it's raining men...

Does anyone else have trouble writing male characters?  Actually, to be more specific, does anyone ever have the problem where every male character they write seems gay in the rough draft or is it just me?


My best friend was the first one to point it out to me, since he reads everything I write, and he happens to like boys.

"Why is everyone so gay?"

That was his first question after reading the first draft of my first novel, eloquently titled "The Triangle Planet", though the planet is perfectly round.  Which is a story for another blog post!

Anyway, after a pint of Jeni's Ice Cream and an afternoon heart-to-heart, the BFF finally stumbled on what he thought my problem might be.  My guys express too much.  They don't have a thought or feeling that goes through their heads that they don't voice out loud.  And according to BFF... that's gay.

Which sort of cracks me up, but he is the expert and after letting my husband read the same passages he totally agreed.

The good thing was, first drafts are made for tearing apart!  Dialogue line by dialogue line, BFF and I read them together, and I'd listen to him, and watch his face for signs of mortification regarding what he was being forced to say out loud, and when it made him uncomfortable or made him laugh, or cringe, I cut.  It was painful.  I felt like I needed those words to get my point across but it turned out I didn't, and the dialogue is much better for it.

And the love interest finally seemed more interested in the female MC than all the guys he interacted with.

Though I did get one interesting note on my most recent draft.

"Great, he doesn't sound gay anymore, but now he sounds like he wants to do his sister!"

... back to the drawing board.

decisions decisions

Stare at the blank screen.
Decisions must be made now.
Write Haiku instead.

While LOCK 19 is out in query land I am determined to write my next novel.  The problem is, I have two decent ones started but my real inspiration lies with a third.  So I am staring at a blank screen trying to decide which way to go.

At least this is a good problem.  My fingers are excited!

a big day of headdesking

Two things are making my life really hard right now:

1) Time change is the devil.
2) I gave up swearing for Lent because I feel like if I don't give up something my sweet, dead grandma will be sad and giving up caffeine seemed ridiculous because of item 1.

So when after I sent off my very first query letter ever this morning and only realized after I'd hit send that I'd made a GLARING grammatical error I seriously headdesked.  A literal one that was much less satisfying than I imagined.  An F-bomb would have been much, much better.

But what's done is done, and I guess I can chalk it up to a lesson learned right?  I'm feeling oddly zen about the whole thing.  Like lack of sleep and an inability to cuss have combined to form some kind of ultra-calm!  Anyway, the others I sent out were fixed and I'm consoling myself with this: (Click to enlarge, you'll be glad you did!)

Dinosaurs never fail to cheer me up!

that that that and more that

There once was a word that was "that".
That made my poor novel grow fat.
Get all those thats outed
My critique partner shouted
Now "just", "was" and "but" need to scat.

When I'm stressed I write limericks.  Maybe that's what I'll do next.  A whole book in beautiful, Irish rhymes.

call me oregano

So we got a new insurance guy at work, and his name is Herb.  It was my job to take him around and introduce him to everybody.  But for some reason, I got it in my head that the name Herb is pronounced like the word herb, and so all day I was calling him "Erb".

He was very kind, and never corrected me, but when I heard his wife, Lupa, introduce him later I realized I was an idiot and for the rest of the night introduced the couple as Herb and Lupa.

When I told the IT staff this this morning, one of them pointed out to me that her name is actually Luba.  With a b.

And that's the story of why the new insurances brokers think I'm failsauce.

why i don't want my family (outside of the husband) to know i'm writing a novel

*Cue Family Guy Music*

Stewie Griffin: How you uh, how you comin' on that novel you're working on? Huh? Gotta a big, uh, big stack of papers there? Gotta, gotta nice litte story you're working on there? Your big novel you've been working on for 3 years? Huh? Gotta, gotta compelling protaganist? Yeah? Gotta obstacle for him to overcome? Huh? Gotta story brewing there? Working on, working on that for quite some time? Huh? (voice getting higher pitched) Yea, talking about that 3 years ago. Been working on that the whole time? Nice little narrative? Beginning, middle, and end? Some friends become enemies, some enemies become friends? At the end your main character is richer from the experience? Yeah? Yeah? (voice returns to normal) No, no, you deserve some time off.


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I love my family but if they even get a whiff that I have some sort of dream or aspiration they'll ask me about it every chance they get until it's been beaten into realistic submission.  Is it done yet?  Do you really think you'll get published?  Your aunt Debbie wanted to be a writer but you have to know people in publishing to get anywhere.

They will mean well.  That's the worst part.  So for now it's a secret, and if I send out a query and get an agent maybe then I'll tell them.  Or I might wait until it's actually published and hand it out for Christmas instead.  That sounds like a solid plan.

My Son is a Wizard

HJ as Harry Potter.

He wanted to be a banana but they had no banana toddler costumes at Wal-Mart or Target so mommy got to choose.  I even taught him a few spells.  There's nothing quite like ABADA KEDABBA to strike fear into the hearts of the petting zoo goats.